Sentient Cabbage

The tradition of intelligent cabbage began in 1845, when Edmund S. Goode and Jason Sprot bred a vegetable with a difference. This Brassica oleracea was more intelligent than both farmers put together. After the plant easily took over the farm, it ran a hugely successful Ponzi scheme and retired young at six months, leaving the farmers to die poor. Now cabbage comprises a large part of the international community. With a few regrettable exceptions, no sentient (but plenty of inanimate) cabbages have been consumed.